‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the blog
Not a creature was stirring, ‘cept our old mangy dog
As I sit down to write this, there’s no sign of my wife
She’s upstairs with Isaac, where she spends half her life
I’ve tried to take over, but he only wants mum
Watching Peppa Pig, or ‘Little Baby Bum’
Then just as it’s quiet, my stomach goes sick
I hear Ollie get up, and the bathroom light click
He’s been in bed for an hour, he should be starting to nap
Not playing with his toys, then going for a crap.
But it’s the same every night, and I need to get fit
So I run up the stairs, to help deal with the shit
At the start of the year, I did a month without booze
As my blog ‘Sandbach Chatter’ started gathering views
I wrote about dieting, and how it didn’t go well
But the thought of exercise, is my idea of hell
I’m not very athletic, not much good at sport
So my wife went online, and two ‘fitbits’ she bought
I wrote about work, and how clients get me stressed
Then listed the Bond films, from the worst to the best
There was an ‘80s song countdown, the ‘90s best hits
A blog about Facebook, and how it gets on my tits
I openly admitted about my obsessive compulsion
How my Kuga broke down, with unexpected propulsion
I took it to Ford, but the service was poor
(sorry about that blog Mum, I think that I swore)
Actually most of my cars, have been rather crap
No good for part-ex, and disposed of as scrap.
In ‘The Blog Princess’, I gave you some clues
That ‘manly’ is never a word you would use
When describing my manner. I’m really not butch.
I’m a walking disaster. I get injured too much
I’ve analysed the lyrics to Elton’s ‘Your Song’
And explained how autumn fans have got it wrong
I saved my family, having spent several days
Trapped in Ikea’s ridiculous maze
I ranted about technology, because nothing much works
About drivers of Beemers and why they are jerks
I wrote a 24-style rant about the boys going to bed
And the stress of packing for a week in the Med
I was ill for the school run, thought my head would explode
I tripped up while dressing, bared my arse to our road
My job got me down, clients gave me the hump
We spent a day up in Blackpool. It’s a fucking dump
I hate musicals, commuting, our hospital in Crewe
(I might have embellished some facts, but most were true)
I know I sound grumpy, a moaning old git
But it’s just for a laugh, not everything’s shit
Take you for example, you’re reading this now
You’ve not given up, you’ve stuck with me somehow
And for that I am grateful, you make this worthwhile
I love writing my blog, hope it makes people smile
But without you, dear reader, no point would there be
I’m truly honoured that you take an interest in me
What started out with my family and a few closest mates
Has spread throughout Britain, then across to the States
I love you for reading, I must make that clear
Have a wonderful Christmas, and I’ll see you next year.
Well thanks for the blogs
A jolly good read
They’re good for a laugh
If ever I Need
So enjoy your Christmas
Hope the boys will be good
But if they get tetchy
Just stuff them with pud
Hope next years better
with more blogs to tell
Look forward to January’s
That should go down well
Hope Santa brings you
a veritable bounty
But if all else fails
You’ve still got Stockport County !
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