Blog Off

My first ever blog. Exciting huh? Well, maybe not for you, but I’m quite enthusiastic about it. It might be my last, though, we’ll see how it goes. I’m a blogging virgin, if you will, and my first experience may put me off.

For those of you who know me, you might be surprised by my decision to ‘blog’. Not because I don’t like writing you understand,  I absolutely do, but more because, well, I’m not very ‘on trend’ am I? If you asked anyone to describe me in just three words, “fashionable”, “trendy” and “hip” would be noticeable by their absence. Indeed, the very fact “trendy” and “hip” first sprang to mind, is somewhat indicative of precisely how un-cool I am.

Truth is, I don’t really like (read: understand) popular or current culture, even though I do appreciate blogging is hardly in it’s infancy. I’m an old man trapped in a rapidly-approaching-35-year-old’s body in that respect. I don’t particularly get the appeal of Twitter. I still own (and am quite happy not to progress from) a PS2. I drink real ale rather than shots, and I get anxious if I’m up after midnight, especially when I have work the next day. I still prefer CDs to downloads – which I actually pay for – and I still haven’t started watching Homeland or Breaking Bad. I hate it when my socks don’t match.

Even the word ‘blog’ makes me shudder with disgust. It’s not quite as bad as the likes of LOL, OMG or, heaven forbid, ROTFLMAO, predominantly because it isn’t a pointless and cringe-worthy acronym, but it still makes me crave a hot shower and good scrubbing just using it. There’s a mental image for any ladies reading.

I’m sure as hell not doing it for the money either (of which, I understand, there is none unless you’re really at the top of the blogging tree). Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to write for a living, and perhaps if I had my time over again I would try harder to pursue a career in writing, but I’ve been a solicitor for over ten years now and I feel a drastic career change is perhaps beyond me, particularly with a young family and my wife’s shoe addiction to support.

So, the bottom line is, I’m writing because I love to and because it’s the closest I’ll probably ever get to an autobiography for people to remember me by. Don’t panic, I’m not going anywhere yet (as far as I know) but the internet it hardly going to go out of fashion, is it? I’m writing because, well, maybe one day my two sons might like to look back and see what an utter nut-job Daddy was, or perhaps someone might find the things I have to say interesting or entertaining. And if not, I’ll still have had some fun along the way, and you can all go fuck yourselves.

For a few years I’ve co-written an article for Stockport County’s matchday programme (shut up) with a good friend of mine, Gareth. Sitting down at my work pc – in designated break times, you understand – and penning a few hundred words about County and the fans’ forum I belong to, is undoubtedly one of the highlights of my week. Then again, I’m a personal injury lawyer, so highlights in my working week are few and far between. But perhaps more on that another time.

In fact, it’s my persona on that fans’ forum (it’s called ‘County Heaven’ if you’re even remotely interested) that led to the name of this blog. You see, County’s nickname is ‘The Hatters’ (piss off, Luton, we were here first) and I live in Sandbach, so you’ll be surprised to learn it took an inordinately long time for me to come up with the name ‘Sandbach Hatter’ (they affectionately call me ‘Sandy’ for short)  for my online alter ago.

I tried lots of different options when creating a name for this blog, too, but none of them really appealed to me, or they sounded a bit trite, so I just stuck ‘Sandbach Hatter’ in as a temporary solution, before the idea of adding an extra ‘c’ to make it ‘Sandbach Chatter’ struck me. True, it does sound a bit Alan Partridge-esque, and I now run the risk of people thinking I’ll just be writing about a weird market town in South Cheshire where 80% of the population are related to one another, but it’ll do for now.

In all honesty, I’m not even very good at writing, which is perhaps why a book is out of my reach, and I’m not expert enough in any one topic to create a blog that people would find informative and useful. I certainly don’t have any strong messages or opinions to thrust upon anyone either, so it begs the question of what the hell I’m going to write about. Maybe I haven’t thought this through properly. Oh well, I’m bound to come up with some observation on life that I can share eventually.

And if not, and this opening waffle is the only thing on here in a year’s time, then it looks like I’m far more boring than I thought and I gave up on the idea. Or perhaps someone had a word with me (probably the wife), and advised me against embarrassing myself online further. If only they’d had a word with Kim Kardashian too, before that unfortunate arse-unveiling she did at the end of last year. Although, the chances of she and I mixing in the same social circles are admittedly somewhat remote.

Maybe my life got so interesting and busy that I simply didn’t have enough time to continue with some unadulterated bloggery?

Or maybe I was hit by a bus shortly after posting this and it was the last thing I ever wrote? Shit, I hope not.

Anyway, for obvious reasons I shan’t be posting with the kind of fixed frequency that I understand experienced bloggers are prone to, and I’ll save myself for when I hopefully have something worthwhile to say, which means that I might be some time.

Don’t wait up, folks. And watch out for buses.

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